Boy Meets Girl
by Joelle Hart
Summary: As the B.P.R.D. and Hellsing collaborate to fight against their respective Nazi occultist enemies, one half-monster seeks personal advice from another half-monster.


Chapter : Boy Meets Girl

Notes for posting as a one-shot:

This was intended to be a chapter in a larger crossover story (that may or may not get written). The premise is that the B.P.R.D. and Hellsing work together after they learn that their respective villains are collaborating; the villains of both comics series are preserved Nazi occultists who emerge in the 1990s and build an army of manufactured vampires. This story is set in 1999 in both series. In "Hellboy", it falls soon after "Wake the Devil". For "Hellsing", it falls in Volume 4 (after the fight with Alhambra in Rio, before Rip takes the HMS Eagle).

This story is simply a conversation between Hellboy and Seras Victoria, and I think it's fairly understandable for someone who is only familiar with one of the series. Seras is a half-vampire, because she has been bitten (one year prior to this story) but has not yet taken a life herself. I thought Hellboy, dealing with his own half-demon identity after the recent revelation of his true name, would have a lot to say to her.

For people unfamiliar with "Hellsing": Alucard is the vampire who bit Seras, and Integral Hellsing is his human Master. In the Hellsing 'verse, vampires (at least of Alucard's lineage) are made when a vampire bites a virgin of the opposite sex.

* * ** * *

Quote: "Master! Please, enough with 'Police Girl'. I have a name, Seras Victoria..."

"Pipe down, you coward. 'Police Girl' is good enough." -Seras and Alucard, Hellsing: Volume 1

* * * * * *

"May I sit here?"

Seras Victoria's voice came suddenly out of the late-evening darkness; a moment later she stepped into the small pool of light cast on the steps and surrounding grass. Hellboy hadn't been at all aware that Seras was approaching until she spoke. As much as she tried to downplay her vampire abilities, she moved with a grace and stealth that no human could possibly have.

"S'free country," he said gruffly, and immediately regretted his curtness. Seras winced, sensing his bad mood and afraid that she had somehow offended one of Sir Hellsing's guests. In an attempt to redeem his manners a little, Hellboy patted the step next to him with the Right Hand of Doom.

He offered her a cigar as she sat, but she wrinkled her nose slightly and held up a hand. They sat in silence for a minute or two before Seras spoke, hesitant and looking shyly into the grass.

"May I ask you a question? A personal question."

"Shoot."

"How do you maintain a romantic relationship with a h... with a full human?"

"...uh... by 'you', you mean 'somebody'? You being rhetorical?"

"No, I mean YOU. But if... if you don't want to answer, that's all right..."

He made a sound of disbelief deep in his throat. "Have YOU got the wrong guy. Anyone in particular you thought I would be maintaining this romantic relationship with?"

She looked surprised. "I thought... that is, aren't you and Katherine..."

"Kate?" He laughed gruffly. "Sorry to disappoint you, kid, but no. What gave you that idea?"

"Oh." Seras did look disappointed. "You two just seem so close."

"We ARE close. Working in the death-defying business will do that."

"Oh. I see." Seras looked sadly at the ground for the moment, and then asked, "Have you… ever been in a relationship with a human?"

Hellboy glanced at her before answering. "Yeah. Once. That was back in the 80's -- but it didn't last too long, or end too well."

Seras had started to perk up with hope, but by the end of his sentence her face fell again. She turned as if to ask another question, but seeing the finality with which he chewed his cigar, she decided against it.

She thought for a moment, then asked, "Then, how about a... non-human?"

"Wha? Nah. Those girls have nasty personalities. I got an offer once, but I had to turn her down -- wasn't really my type. Not to be shallow, but she was really ugly. And had a giant snake body."

Seras gave him a shadow of a smile before asking in a small voice, "Don't you get lonely?"

"No."

They fell silent for a long, awkward moment. Seras looked even sadder than she had at the beginning. Dropping the butt of his cigar into the dirt and grinding it under his hoof, Hellboy ventured, "Why ask? Just curious?"

Seras stared at the tip of her boot, nudging it against the ground.

"You don't have to answer," he added.

"No, it's okay...well, there's someone who.... uh... he was introduced at the dinner party yesterday. Do you remember Captain Bernadotte, from the Wild Geese?"

"Pip? Sure I know Pip!" Hellboy answered warmly. "Spent some time with him last night. Decent guy. Doesn't hold his liquor near as well as he thinks he does, though."

Seras looked up with a genuine, if sly, smile. "That's right. You were at that party."

"Yeah. Probably helped it get so sodden at the end, too. You see this?" He held up his right hand. "It's hollow." He tilted the hand back and forth and said, "slosh. slosh. slosh."

Seras gave a real laugh, holding her hands up to her mouth in gleeful schadenfreude. "I heard! Integral was SOOO angry this morning!"

"Yeah. I heard too," Hellboy said grimly. Kate had told him exactly how angry Integral had been, and then thrown in a good portion of her own displeasure. Sure, the mercenaries of the Wild Geese liked him now, but directors seemed to have very specific ideas about the ways in which trust could be won… and ways that resulted in hangovers did not make the list.

Seras sobered. "But I don't know what Pip thinks of me. Sometimes he's so kind. But the first time we met, a few months ago, I hurt him. I mean, I knocked him around pretty badly, and I wasn't even trying. I bet it hurt his pride, but then there's… "She sighed. "I know that since then, he and the other Wild Geese have seen me as a freak. I've even heard them saying that word out loud, but it's more than that. They treat me in ways they wouldn't treat a real woman. For example, since they know I'm a virgin, they..."

Hellboy waved both hands hurriedly. "Wh-whoa-whoa! I don't need to know that!"

Seras looked genuinely surprised. "I assumed you knew how vampires are made."

"I know how SOME vampires are made."

Seras gave him a confused look. "Yes, well... they tease me about it."

Hellboy hunched his shoulder and gave her a stern, but not unkind, look out of the corner of his eye. "Why do you let them treat you like that? You seem to take a lot of flak from a lot of people in..."

"Me?" She interrupted, suddenly furious. "What about you!"

He turned and stared in surprise. "... whaddya mean?"

"You let them call you by that name!"

There was a moment of perplexed silence. Then, drawing a second cigar out of his pocket, he nodded with understanding. "Police Girl."

Seras slumped. "Yes."

"You don't understand. The name Hellboy -- it's the name my father gave me. It's the only name I have... the only name that means anything to me." He finished with a hard note of finality.

Seras stared silently at the ground.

Hellboy continued, punctuating his words with the unlit end of the second cigar. "Don't let people treat you like you're nothing. Make them give you the respect you deserve. And this Pip guy, he'll come around. Or he won't. And if he doesn't, you don't need him anyway. Brave, pretty girl like you, you can have your pick..."

"It's not about the way I look!" Seras interrupted, flushing in agitation. "I'm a vampire! Now I know what that means! When I was in Rio with Alucard, I watched him butcher humans without a shred of remorse. Not other vampires, humans! Dozens of them! And he enjoyed it!" Her eyes were shining with tears -- clear human tears. "That's what I'm going to be! That's what everyone keeps telling me I have to be! I don't want it!"

She closed her eyes and took shaking breaths, trying to calm down. Hellboy lit the cigar and took a drag. When he spoke, his voice was slow and deliberate.

"Listen to me, Seras. You don't have to be anything you don't want to be. Nobody can tell you different. If somebody tells you, 'you have to do this, you have to become that,' this is what you gotta do: you look them right in the eye and say, 'Screw you.' That's that."

Seras swiped the back of her hand across her eyes and turned to him with a look that was equal parts hope and disbelief. She nodded slowly, then turned away again.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Then Hellboy stood and ground his second cigar into the ground.

"Busy day tomorrow. We should get some rest."

"My team is leaving tonight. In a few hours."

"... oh, right. Good luck."

Seras gave him a small, hesitant smile. "Thank you."

"Hey, don't mention it. Good night, Seras."

"Good night, Hellboy."


End file.
